Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i've created a new STD.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize