I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
