How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am available for nakedness
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
