I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
