i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
