btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We are all done wearing pants today
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
