we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
