I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
