i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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