tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
