I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
