i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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