You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize