alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
