I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You need Xanax blowdarts
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize