she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Randomize
