Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
