My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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