sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
