I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize