I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did I show you my penis last night?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize