I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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