Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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