If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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