we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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