his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
