conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
