I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
