Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
