they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
