I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
