if i can run in heels then i can drive
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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