i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
