He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
