A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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