i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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