Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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