The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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