he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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