it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
