I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize