sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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