yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
