He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
