You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize