But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
