I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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