Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
