I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize