She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
