a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
