After last night, I could never be a politician.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
