I am in a vortex of obligation.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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