i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
