Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I could make wine with my vomit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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