I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
