Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
