peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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