His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
