either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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