Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
