Walk of Shame. In a state park.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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