And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
