uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
