yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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