so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
