RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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