It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize