I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
