first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
