Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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