I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
