No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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