I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
