were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
