i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
