dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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