Someone shit on the floor
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
