OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
