for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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