its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
