My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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