You really coming over, don't trick.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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