Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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