It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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