This girl is more easily done than said...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
