I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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