the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
