That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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