If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
