he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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