Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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