hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I currently don't understand fingers.
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