Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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