New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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