The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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