I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize