apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
