Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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