This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
