I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
