your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
