Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
