i think my tv is drunk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
