She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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