so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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