last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
