I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found your dick twin last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
